Dear Friends and readers –
I just wanted to send you all a quick update…
As many of you now know, one week ago, my dear husband Josh declared that he would be leaving our family as he had been having an extra-marital affair with a gentleman he met at the gym. . .I’ll just let those words sink in….a gentleman he met at the gym.
People have asked me if I saw it coming. I must confess that I was completely and utterly shocked at this report. I had no idea at all, he’d struggled with same-sex-addiction (SSA) for all of his adult life; and how sad I am for him that he struggled with it alone for so long. I can see with hindsight those days he came home a little later than normal or those calls that just didn’t make sense. I also accept the responsibility I bear where I failed as a wife to a man with many needs. My children and I have lived without him for almost a week and God has given us grace beyond measure. I know that I will have lots to share in the weeks, months, (sigh) and years to come about our journey but for now, I leave you with the letter I wrote to our church, explaining the situation and explaining my heart.
My dear church,
It’s with a heavy heart that I share the recent events unfolding in our home. On Monday evening, my precious and beloved husband shared that he was leaving me and our two children as he had been engaged in an inappropriate, extra-marital affair and that he was going to pursue this new and ungodly relationship.
Friends, I believe, to the depths of my soul that Satan has a stronghold on my poor husband and while this is clearly the most devastating news I have ever had to endure, I believe that My God is bigger than any problem, even this one. While we all are stunned and shocked by these recent events I believe that the Lord was not surprised at all and that He has gone ahead of me in this and I see his hand at work in and around me as confirmation of his faithful presence and unending love day by day, and hour by hour.
God has stirred in me a supernatural peace and hope deep in my soul that cannot be explained by man. I don’t even really understand it myself.
My prayer has been unwavering; not for me but rather, that the Holy Spirit would relentlessly pursue after Josh and break him of this wretchedness and that he would be freed from Satan’s firm grip. Friends, please pray in harmony with me to that end alone. If it’s true that being like Christ means, dying to myself, in the face of rejection, for God’s ultimate glory, no matter the cost, then I have no choice but pray solely for Josh’s redemption and be a beacon that brings him back to Christ no matter the personal sacrifice I am called to endure. Let me assure you all that today I have been chosen and with His holy and awesome help, I am prepared to fight a bloody battle for his soul.
It is not on accident that this has happened at this time. It is not coincidental that I have been chosen to endure this pain and shame nor is it without intention that my church is being tested in this with me. We all have a choice and a responsibility to this poor confused member of the fold, this limb of our body. We are being called to love him unconditionally and sacrifice ourselves for this lost sheep. I ask you to search deep within yourselves to see how God is calling you to respond; not with gossip or judgment but with grace and compassion. Please do not grow weary in praying with me every day and every hour until God receives all of His due glory in returning my sweet husband back into his graces.
Thank you for your unconditional love and support of me and my hurting children but let’s keep our eye on the real task in front of us; my sweet, cherished Josh and his ultimate redemption.
Everything for God’s glory, no matter the cost. Sarah