The time has come to tell you all about my dream. In the last four or five years, I have experienced what I can only call, “prophetic-practice-dreams.” Now, I fully acknowledge that many of you are raising an eyebrow or rolling your eyes or even getting ready to “X out” of this blog post and I don’t blame you at all. I raise my own eyebrow at the thought but I can only share what has been my experience.
About 5 times in total, I have woken in the morning with a strange feeling that I should not disregard a dream that I’d had. Each morning that I’d experienced a dream like this, I would tell Josh, “I feel like these are practice dreams. That God is testing me to see what I will do with them.”
It was about 18 months ago that I shot straight up out of bed around midnight and had the eerie feeling that I needed to “pray for the earthquake.” Honestly, it felt silly to me to do it (Like Moses talking to the rock for water) and I could have just ignored it and gone back to bed without giving it a second thought. But because I knew in my soul that God was testing me, I went ahead and prayed as best as I knew how. “Lord, please protect us from the earthquake.” At about 4 in the morning, I woke to the rumblings of a regular, run-of-the-mill California quake. It wasn’t even big enough to get out of bed for. At that moment, I declared in a whisper, “Josh! We’re having an earthquake! God told me and I prayed for it in the night!” his response was that it would have been more compelling if I had told him –when I prayed- that we were going to have an earthquake. That’s fair, I guess. I spent a good bit of time thinking about my experience and I knew deep in my soul that God was preparing me for a bigger dream test and that while I probably didn’t need to pray for protection, per se, that my obedience would be the next step in whatever God was going to do.
On Monday morning, July 9th, I woke to another incredibly clear dream.
I found myself in a large outdoor setting, reminiscent to a Hollywood back lot that resembled a street scene in West Side Story. For as far as I could see, there were celebrities everywhere. I remember seeing Steve Martin’s dazzling face, athletes and country music singers. Everyone was famous and everyone was dressed in white formalwear; tuxedos, top hats and ball gowns. Everything that was white, was covered in glitter and jewels. Which made the white, even MORE white! Everyone was happy and singing and smiling really, really big. I was being whisked through the crowd as they all performed this incredible dance number.
In the midst of the masses, someone handed me my cell phone. I remember being struck by the thought that my phone was black while everything else around me was white. I slid my phone open to discover that the screen of my phone acted as a tiny window so I could look through it and see the people dancing and singing. The difference was, when I looked through the tiny window, the celebrities were not dressed in white. Instead, everything was dirty and dark; clothes were tattered and torn, people’s eyes were sunken in and they were all dying. Instead of peppy dance steps, they were trudging along in sludge. In my dream, I knew that what I was seeing through the phone was truth and that the white clothes and happy faces was all a lie.
When the realization hit me, Sara Gilbert (the tom-boy daughter on the old TV sitcom ‘Roseanne’) came up to me and said, “It’s time to prepare for the earthquake.” I responded with “But I don’t want to be in an earthquake!” and she said, “You have to go through the earthquake to get to the good. Prepare.” With her words in my mind, I found an outdoor staircase that had a thick iron railing. I sat on the bottom step and clung to the bannister with both arms tight. The earthquake came. When it was over, I walked away.
When I awoke, I shared this dream with Josh. I also said to him, “I think that God is telling me that nothing is what it seems.” That was all I could discern in the morning.
As the day unfolded, my youngest son was spending the night at my mother-in-laws house in a spur of the moment decision. I had a meeting at church in the evening and I called Josh to see if he wanted to meet up somewhere for dinner with my daughter so I could hand her off to him and head back to work. He said he was working out and that K and I should just pick something up ourselves. He said that he would pick up dinner for himself and swing by to get K. Moments before my meeting, I called because he was inexplicably late. As I chatted with him on the phone, I knew he was with someone. I made a mental note to follow up after my meeting.
When I got home, I asked him –with my phone in hand- “what was up with the phone call today? Who were you with?”
He then excused K to her room for the night and proceeded to confess that
#1 – he wanted out. Immediately I assumed he was with a lawyer. After a short pause, I knew – or so I thought I knew. “Is there someone else?” and that’s when he hit me with it.
#2 – “I think I’m gay.”
The rest of the conversation is pretty much a blur. I called our dear friends to come and help me and while I sat in the back room with Lauren (David was talking with Josh in the living room), I told her…”My dream! I have to tell you about my dream!” So much of it came in clear for me. I was right – nothing was what it seemed. My phone revealed the truth. (remember the conversation where I suspected something was wrong?) And, while this may sound cheesy, it can’t be overlooked that Sara Gilbert is a lesbian. Finally I would need to hold on to something immoveable.
People are amazed at “well” I am handling all of this and all I can say is that the dream gave me 2 assurances. #1 – God was ahead of me on this journey (I believe that is why my son was ‘coincidentally’ not home that evening). Even Josh confessed that the dream freaked him out. Additionally, I have to believe that when I prayed 18 months ago for God to “Protect us from the earthquake” that I had prayed for this day months before it ever happened and I BELIEVE in my soul that it was not for nothing. The second assurance is, if I cling to something solid, then when the quake passes, I WILL get up and walk away to the good.
I know that before the night ended, I, with the help of the Spirit, told Josh that I had already forgiven him; that I loved him and that I wanted to work it out. Unfortunately, he is not there. It looks to be a very long quake but I am hopeful for what is on the other side.