When I was in the delivery room, 14 years ago, I was being prepped for a C-Section and when the epidural was flowing, I had the odd sensation that I was floating. I knew I was on some kind of hospital bed but I couldn’t feel it at all. I felt like that magic act where the assistant is suspended above the table and the magician pulls the giant ring over her entire body. Very surreal.
This is how I have lived for the past 3 weeks. I can only attribute it to prayer. The prayers of so many people from all over the world, are literally lifting me up and I have been floating through life with peace and hope. So please allow me to say thank you to all who are praying for me and our family. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that your prayers are helping us get through.
I must confess that for a few days I would experience moments of frustration when people would tell me “Oh Honey, I’ve just been praying for you and the kids every chance I get!” My mind would scream out, “DON’T PRAY FOR ME! PRAY FOR JOSH!” In my anger, I rationalized that every time someone prayed for me, it meant that they missed an opportunity to pray for Josh. Of course, I would instantly realize the Truth! ~that the reason why I have been so sustained, is because of everyone’s prayers.
What motivates your prayers? Mine usually are motivated in selfishness and ME thinking; thanking God for the family, friends and experiences and then asking down my wish list. When I fell before the Lord that Wednesday at 3am, my prayers started out similarly selfishly, “How can this happen to me?”….”How can I go on?”…. and “Change him, Lord (not me).” Well as you read from that blog post, God didn’t let things roll out that way, even though it seemed like the “fair” thing to do. Instead, God redirected my heart off of myself and onto Christ.
Since this whole thing happened, my prayer life has changed pretty dramatically. You can find prayers written on random scraps of paper, in a journal, on my computer, on my IPad…anywhere I can write words down, a prayer is sure to be found.
It didn’t take very long for me to stop praying for myself and solely direct all prayer efforts onto Josh. And then…God put something in my heart. If I have such an urgency to pray for Josh and his redemption, and if I really feel passionate that nothing is more important than salvation, then why haven’t I been praying for Josh’s new “friend?” (we’ll call him T.J.) Isn’t his salvation and redemption as important as Josh’s? what makes Josh’s soul somehow “greater” or “more worthy”? So about 10 days ago, I added T.J. to the list of people I pray for. It is truly tragic to imagine any person being condemned for eternity and I don’t want that anyone should experience that. Quite frankly, I have an obligation to pray for him as a believer in Christ.
Folks, it really wasn’t hard at all to pray for him. I might even go so far as to say, there was a sense of relief and holy purpose in it. After that, I went ahead and added his mother to my daily list of people I pray for. She has been battling with her health. I have no idea what her spiritual condition is nor do I really know a great deal about her physical condition but if the prayers of my precious community of friends is lifting my spirit, then I want the same for her.
I shared this with my close circle of friends, and many of them have started praying that way as well. I don’t want to tell you how to pray as it is a personal and holy experience. I just needed to share how God is working in me.
I am not perfect. I’m not even close. The other day, my life was filled up with so much busyness, I didn’t hardly pray at all during the day. Confession: I felt guilty, like a prayer warrior failure. God is not done molding me but I sure wish He would hurry up. (Sigh) – Yeah … not perfect and my thoughts are still tainted with selfishness but I just keep picking up the bread crumbs and moving forward.