29 comments on “I’m afraid

  1. Don’t be afraid. Remember there is always a bigger picture. You will get through the tough times just like i did and life will get better and better. You will look back and be amazed that you had the strength to get through it and you made your life better than you ever hoped it would be.

  2. That is an intense little poem. But you cannot give up or become fearful. God will take care of all of it if you will let Him, just ask He will help you. It’s kind of like the words from the song where the writer tells God that he thinks God must think he is stronger than he is because of all He keeps piling on. Sometimes we just have to remember to ask for help, specific, tangible help. Keep holding on, you’ll make it. God Loves you and so do I. dw

  3. Sarah, I read your blog every time you create a new post. I often want to write, but so many times words seem empty. After today’s post I cannot help but say something because I want you to know how desperately I grieve for your family and how earnestly I pray for all of you! There has literally not been a day since I first heard about J’s choice that I have not thought about and prayed for you guys! Know that you are not alone in this journey!

    With that said, I cannot fathom the fear you are experiencing… The fear of the unknown, of a pain deeper than you have already experienced, of the uncontrollable future that doesn’t match any of the plans set before…. This one experience has opened up so many unforseen possibilities! As I think on what you must be going through, I hold fast to the hope that God is enduring in all His characteristics, and that His eternal grace and mercy and sovereignty and compassion will not cease to sustain you as you walk through this journey. I continue to believe that whatever comes, you will have enough, for He never ceases to give us Himself.

    Thank you for continually sharing YOURself with us! I am inspired and humbled and challenged and moved by your openness. I will be praying that you will be filled with peace and hope!

    Love you all!

  4. Sarah. I pray that your understanding of God grows richer and clearer and more intimate during this terrible time.

    I just read your post about what God needs to get His glory, and realized how cold such a perspective must be. This is not a battle between God and Satan for glory at your expense. God is not arrogant. He doesn’t need people or creation or the failures of Satan to make him look good. Jesus said, “I am meek, and lowly in heart.” Why would such a person want people to give him glory?

    No, to “glorify God” is to let the invisible become visible. That’s all. So when Jesus said he came to “glorify His Father,” it was to let His invisible attributes be on full display through His body, not to keep score between God and Satan. That score is already decided. Yeah, Satan struggles against God, trying to destroy the thing He values most, but we don’t have to respond to that. We just need to embrace the One whose heart is breaking, who wants nothing more than to share your suffering.

    In my opinion (and I may be wrong), this challenge you are facing is just part of living in a screwed up world. Anything can happen to anyone at any time, Christian or non-Christian. It’s not personal. It’s life. And people on every street in every city in America have their own terrible story. But not every person can draw near to One that can not only sympathize, but can actually strengthen your heart and give you peace in a very real way. And I believe He has already shared that with you.

    • John, this is what I love most about blogging these days….growing a much richer faith in myself through the wisdom and insight of others who will pour themselves into me. Thank you so much….but you left out the part where God, through the prayers of His people, works mysterious miracles…maybe bringing Josh back? It can’t just be that junky stuff happens in a fallen world and woe to those who do not have an authentic relationship with the Savior of the world,…can it?

      • In Luke 13 Jesus talks about some Galileans that had been unjustly killed by Pilate, and about another occassion where a building fell and 18 men died. He tells the people that, just like the man born blind, these events did not have anything to do with the spiritual condition of the victims. They were not better or worse than those who did not die. It just happened.

        Also, since we know there is a Judgment Day we can believe that God allows men and women to make free choices. Freedom is essential for authentic love and relationships. When we sin, it’s our fault. Not his. And not part of some grand spiritual scheme that gives Him glory in the end.

        However, just as you said, God is in the redemption business. Just after the Fall is a promise of redemption. God takes a friend, Abraham, and starts a nation. He lives in a tent with them, then a temple, then a human body, then, through the death and resurrection of Jesus, comes into our bodies by the Holy Spirit, always drawing nearer and nearer, working closer and closer to those that he loves, those that he wants to redeem and heal.

        That is not to say that God does not initiate things with his people. Of course he does. He is sovereign and has the right to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. But that doesn’t mean he must. I think he prefers for us to choose him freely. And to draw freely to him in our personal tragedy.

        I believe 100% that God wants to draw Josh to himself. And that he is with you in your suffering. And that he will work with your children to protect and heal them as well. I’m not convinced that all of these things are pre-ordained, but I do believe that He desires these things, that he intercedes on our behalf (Romans 8), that he inspires the prayers of his people, and that he has the power to make something good out of all of this garbage.

        And when you shared about your dreams and how the Lord has worked to this point, I am convinced that he is doing something very important with you. But for now it’s okay to be afraid and confused and sad. If you weren’t, I’d be concerned.

        I wish we were closer . . .

  5. We all face fear, it is a natural part of life. God never said we wouldn’t experience fear or be scared, or even doubt. it’s not how you face it , but how you allow Him to help you face it.
    With God all things are possible…. There is nothing… nothing… You can’t handle with the Lord by your side. And Sarah we will always love you, always stand by you and pray for you. As pastor Bob said once a long time love is not a feeling it is an action. Not holding you up in pray would be like not breathing. When we stop praying for you it will because we are with the Lord. Remenber your friends and family are here lifting you up.

  6. Dear Sarah, give all your fears to the LORD. HE will direct your path now and forever. As Bill stated, your children will see the reality of your FAITH and RUN to the LORD for strength and comfort. What helped me, taking each day one at a time, one hour at a time ~ LEAN ON HIM and HE WILL GUIDE YOUR PATH ~ you will not find fear but HOPE. Any chains of bondage will be broken in future generations.

  7. Most likely it will get harder before it gets better. Keep praying for God’s strength and he will give it to you. It’s cliche, but this saying is true–God only gives you what he know you can handle. You can handle this, you’ve got this. You will grow from this, you will change because of this, but keep kindness in your heart and you will be a better person for having dealt with this.

    My kids haven’t learned to quit from my divorce, they’ve learned when the right time to get away from a bad situation. They’ve learned that just because people didn’t love you like you needed, doesn’t mean they didn’t love you with all they had…and sometimes that’s just not enough. It’s important to value yourself and realize that that’s an important lesson to pass on to your kids too. 🙂

    • Wow. You have given me a lot to consider….thank you. I am so glad that God has put experienced people in my path to guide me down this dark road. I hope that one day, I can be a source of hope to others like you have been for me. Thank you

  8. You are so normal!!!! Being afraid is not a weakness – it is being human. When I was in panic mode and projecting, most of the things I worried about, actually, never happened. Focus on your day by day responsibilities and your children. Personally, I needed to de-clutter my own life to be effective in my day to day dealings. What I could handle effectively and well actually made my “world” a little smaller. It cut down on being fragmented. I could focus on what is important – my own well being and that of my children. I could release God to do His part because I no longer owned it. God is totally in control. Many of the forward projecting worries, God is already there and knowing what will be and will provide.

  9. Oh Sarah, there will be many peaks and valleys; fear comes from the enemy and your friends will hold you up in prayer when you cannot pray for yourself. I am praying Psalm 62, 63, 71 for you at this time. This will be a long process ; you are not alone and you are not forgotten.

  10. Matt. 8:26 “Why are you so afraid? Have you so little faith?”
    John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled of afraid.”
    Jesus will help you through this Dear Sarah. I will not stop praying for God’s will for you.

  11. “I am afraid that people will move on with their lives and stop praying.”
    Of the many fears you shared, that is the least likely. Your entire family is loved. We grieve with you and will continue praying.

    “I’m afraid the kids will look back at this as the time they learned to quit instead of fight.”
    Quite the contrary, they will see your example and the reality of your faith and run to God for strength and comfort.

    Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need. – Hebrews 4:16

    • Bill, I sighed with relief at that first response. People not praying is truly my biggest fear…as for the kids, I hope you are right. Time will tell, but will it be too late? So many things I can’t control and have to give to the Lord. Thank you for your encouragement

  12. Being afraid is natural and human. Until we are in heaven, we have to deal with it. I do, and not always well. I am strong and level headed, and god knows it so it takes a lot for me to break, but it has happened. On the radio, I heard this great study on “Fear” (just this week) There are different kinds of fear that the lord allows(they say) and some fears are used for good. Fear for motivation, devotion, or fear of the lord. It has really helped me too. Find a short study on it or one that someone recommends. It may help through this. Things you have felt, others have too.

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